Some dreams are the wet wings of a butterfly.
Beautiful and perfect in every way but unable to be used.
They're soon forgotten about and the butterfly moves on.
Until the day the wings dry and he's ready to fly.
But a sudden rain pours down and the butterfly is grounded once more.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
I would also break up the lines. I get the "wet wings of a butterfly," when butterflies first come out of their cocoons, their wings are wet, they can't fly.
"Unable to be used" sounded clumsy to me. Unable doesn't seem like the right word to use there, but my only suggestion is "Not to be used," which isn't very good.
You need to draw out the metaphor a little, and slowly bring dreams back in. The whole thing is about dreams, yet they're only mentioned in one line, and after that you got too wrapped up in the metaphor, in butterflies. Write a few more stanzas, and re-connect with your actual subject. Also, draw some more similarities between butterflies and dreams, to make it more realistic.
Elaborate more on the idea that dreams fly away before you can use them, everyone hates that feeling, so it's a good way to connect with your reader. You always need to have something in there so that the reader can go "Oh yeah, I know that feeling," or something else easy to connect with. That's why it's hard to read old poetry (and prose), you can't connect with the events, and the language is unfamiliar.
Also, you began with "Some dreams," which places emphasis on "some," leading the reader to believe that you're going to write about other types of dreams as well. Maybe you could write a stanza about nightmares, which are, perhaps, like a cold wind rushing down your back? Or you could write about the dreams that are always there waiting for you, like a faithful dog...there are so many possiblities there but you didn't take any of them.
It's a good idea, but you need to work it out a little.
I think that my biggest problem with this poem is that it doesn't drive home a real point/message/statement about your subject. It is an interesting observation, I suppose...but my question really is, why should I as the reader care about this butterfly? What makes it different from any other creature that has struggles and a difficult time?
I think part of the problem is that you don't follow through with your "dreams are butterflies" metephor. I think you need to somehow bring it full circle at the end of the poem to bring it back and remind your reader of the whole point of the poem.
I would also try to break up your lines a bit more as the lines feel a bit rambling:
"Some dreams are / the wet wings of a butterfly.
Beautiful and perfect [s]in every way [/s] / but unable to be used.
They're soon forgotten about / and the butterfly moves on.
Until the day the wings dry / and he's ready to fly.
But a sudden rain pours down /and the butterfly / is grounded once more."
That's my possible suggestion for revision.
I agree with electricbluemonkey; you need to ditch the blue font. It really does make it more difficult for the reader to take your writing seriously like that.
Overall, it's an interesting idea.
This is a poem. It seems to me like it's just random ramblings that could be written in less than five minutes. Next time, leave the font color black if you want to be taken more seriously.
Doesn't really make sense.
I kinda understand this line. Dreams are all perfect in their own way, like a butterfly, but it's wet and heavy wings can't get it off the ground. This is great line...I think.
Comma after 'about'. To add a sort of short suspensive pause.
I didn't like the rhyming here. There isn't a rhyme anywhere else in the poem, but here you just sneak in a simple '-y' scheme. Next time, either stick to a rhyming scheme, or don't rhyme at all.
Weak ending. This is basically like the 'Itsy Bitsy Spider', although I still don't know what this a butterfly has to do with a dream. I did figure out the second line, but after that, the whole poem is just about the butterfly and not dreams.
The first four lines were okay; they described well and had a good feeling. However, I really would've liked it more if it was longer, because you just suddenly end it at the 5th line and it kind of let me feeling a bit, I dunno how to word it, but I guess empty, about the poem. It gives all this hope to you know, the butterfly will fly again, but then just ends it too quickly. Good effort though.